This is Fantasy Phineball from Feeling Phine. The last letter in this series can be found here, and if you’re new, the Introduction to this series is here. Thanks for reading! x
HELLO, YOU. It has been a while, hasn’t it?
I said I was going to take a Bye Week, and somehow one week off turned into a Bye Month. Whoops! Upon reflection, it was quite ambitious of me to think I would move to a new city then suddenly return to my usual routine. What I forgot happens after a move is the equally tedious (but fortunately, more joyful) unpacking phase. I’m still sorting out my final bits and bobs, but at the moment I’ve deemed my surroundings suitable enough that I can start **cReATiNg** again. Without further ado, let’s talk FOOTBALL.
WEEK 7
Week Seven brought an unfortunate, and frustratingly avoidable, loss. My tight end Darren Waller was out, and despite TWO friends messaging to give me a heads up, I didn’t catch it in time to swap him for another player. Had I seen the texts and FB messages, and swapped in an average tight end, this would have provided the 5.10 points required to bring Team MéNajee Trois to victory.
After sulking a bit, I comforted myself in the fact that my loss stemmed from my ~living presently~ and not paying attention to my phone. When I have a to-do list, or am hanging out with friends or family, (as was the case that Sunday) my phone is on silent and in my bag. Just old soul things?! No, more like, just techno-despair avoidance things. Anyway, shoutout to Xiang and Steven for messaging me and trying to help a sis out. Merci! And congrats to Steph on the dub!
WEEK 8
There’s no kind way of saying it - Team Phine took a beating Week Eight. Fortunately, I was so busy with moving that I didn’t watch any games that weekend, and wasn’t monitoring the stats, so I did not have to witness my guys getting absolutely eviscerated.
I was projected to win (118.59 vs Bianca’s 117.26) however, we massively underperformed while the Mud Dogs absolutely killed it. Well done B!
Fun fact about Bianca’s team: she wasn’t available on Draft Day so her team was selected on “auto-draft” mode, meaning the Yahoo bot picked her players based off of rank and availability. Her team has been solid from the start, and since the draft she’s made some swaps to further strengthen her roster. As of right now she’s #1 in our league.
To be clear, I’m not actually salty. I just find it funny; despite the shit people talk about Yahoo Fantasy and their whack stats, the one auto-drafted team is currently dominating our league! However, this feat likely stems less from Yahoo bots, and more from Bianca’s fab team management skills. I tip my hat to her.
WEEK 9
VICTORY AT LAST! Week Nine’s matchup was Team Phine versus the one, the only, the Hauf. Kayla Hauffe is famously the Manager of the Lady Turnups League, as well as my bestie who roped me into the world of Fantasy.
Her team had been quite strong up until a few weeks ago, but I was still quaking in my metaphorical boots. My shining star Mr. Tom Brady was on Bye Week, meaning I had to secure a suitable replacement. Derek Carr (of Raiders, and potential-eyeliner-wearing, fame) was available, and my first choice. Xiang discouraged me from adding Carr, as one of his teammates, Henry Ruggs III, was in huge trouble with the law. I won’t get into the Ruggs story - it's very bleak. But in terms of impact on the game, Xiang was worried the Raiders would suffer that week as a result of their teammate’s actions, and resulting absence. I opted for Tua Tagovailoa from the Miami Dolphins instead.
Friday night, while discussing my roster with another dude friend, he encouraged me to go with my original choice. He didn’t think much of TT (sorry Tua babe) and thought I should stick to my gut instinct. I reflected and ultimately swapped back to my OG choice, the sexy pirate himself, Derek Carr. I’m so glad I did, as Tua ended up fracturing his finger and missing Sunday’s game.
In the end both mine and Kayla’s teams ended up fantastically sucking! My team sucked less though, so I won. (Our original projections versus our final numbers? Tragique!)
Despite the less than stellar team performance I was chuffed with my win, and reached out to Xiang to chat about it. I thought he’d give me a warm congrats after breaking my loss streak. Oh, how wrong I was:
After some serious defense on my behalf, followed by back and forth bickering, I unearthed the source of his upset:
Duly noted, Master Yoda. Put more effort into my lineup, I will.
WEEK 10
Xiang’s wish was spoken into existence this past week; I tried VERY hard on my lineup, and then, I lost. In preparation for the matchup, I uncharacteristically spent a whole hour reading NFL news, watching Fearless Forecasts (in which a nerdy looking white dude told me how well he thought individual players would fare in their games), and scrolling through all my Waiver options.
I optimized my lineup, even swapping out my Defense last minute Sunday morning, as I had a better vibe from the Tennessee Titans than the Cleveland Browns. Still, it wasn’t enough.
I can unequivocally say that winning Week Nine with “half ass effort” initially felt far better than losing last week with ALL the effort. What a waste! I wistfully thought of all the other things I could have done with that hour: napping… reading… researching the perfect fall boot. Then, I thought of the quote from the legendary Michael Scott. I mean, Wayne Gretzky:
If I had lost and not put in the effort, I probably would have felt a bit like I did after Week Seven. Now at least I can move forward with
TEAM PHINE IS CURRENTLY IN 8TH PLACE OF THE LADY TURNUPS FANTASY LEAGUE. WE HAVE APPROXIMATELY FIVE WEEKS TO GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE PLAYOFFS. WISH US LUCK.
x Joséphine